Sugar Is a Jerk

 Sugar kind of reminds me of those friends who seem so great at first. They’re fun to hang out with and you seem to enjoy the time you spend together. 

Then, later, you start thinking about it and you realize that every time you hang out you end up feeling really bad about yourself. 

I’ve had those kinds of “friends” who seem sweet on the outside but then you end up with a stomachache. 

The biggest thing sugar and bad friends have in common is that I should know enough to stay away from them both for my own mental and/or physical health. 

I have made progress. At least in the friend department. 

With sugar? Not so much. It still draws me in with promises of good times and I fall for it every time. 

And here’s the thing: I don’t want to be someone who blames where they are in life on an addiction they have no control over. (And I am not putting addicts down!)

What I AM saying is that I get the feeling that your world just can’t be right unless you have that thing. Ice cream, cookies, pie…whatever it is that I am craving at the time seems essential in the moment. And later? I'm mad at myself. Disappointed with my lack of self-control, and telling myself that I will never be able to overcome this. 

Am I alone in this? It feels that way much of the time. 

I did a 40 day sugar fast a while back. I made it through the 40 days without any of my usual sweet crutches. I slept better. I felt better. I started to like ME more. 

Then the 40 days ended and I was determined that I was going to stick with it and just indulge “here and there” or for “special occasions.” 

You can probably see where this is going. Here and there turned into all the places, all the time. And I just happened to be able to deem something a special occasion every day! (Yay me for being so positive, right?? 😏)

I did attempt the 40 day sugar fast a couple more times. Suffice it to say they were spectacular failures that were maybe more likely to be classified as 40 minute sugar fasts. 

So here I am. Tired of myself. Tired of failing. Tired of being tired. 

The only thing I can cling to is that I have a God who never feels this way about me. His mercies are new every morning and that’s the hope I have.