It's been almost a year since I've put my thoughts down like this. It used to be a daily thing when I was younger. And had more time.
Or maybe it's only so often I have something on my heart strongly enough that it spills out onto (digital) paper. Either way, I'm baa-aack. 😂
It's not shocking that losing Haven and my dad were the two hardest things that I have ever gone through. But those were situations in which I had zero control other than my reaction. I couldn't change the outcome.
I say that to preface what I'm going to say next: Struggling with weight/food has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through that I CAN control.
Unless you've wrestled with this particular sin, you may think it's easy and overweight people must be very, very physically (and intellectually) lazy. Just move. Just don't eat this or that.
And, speaking for myself, there is some truth to that, of course. But that's not the whole story. The real story is one of frustration, failure, agony, anger, regret, defeat, embarrassment, and sadness.
It may be "easy" to get to where I am, but it certainly isn't easy to live here.
It's a world of my own making, but it's one that feels surrounded by iron bars that are way stronger than I ever thought they could be. The battle isn't with food, really. It's a war in my heart and in my mind for who I am going to give my allegiance to, where I'm going to turn when I'm anxious, or scared, or mad.
Jesus and the Truth of His Word or food?
The answer is ridiculously easy. It's the living it out that trips me up. The weight on my body doesn't come close to the weight on my mind.
So, pray for me. Pray for your friends and family members who struggle this way. And be kind.
