Bob the Tomato and Other Tales

 I just returned from an amazingly relaxing and refreshing getaway with my husband. We went to Hocking Hills. I had never been there before and the scenery was breathtaking. 

Speaking of breathtaking…

What do you think of when you think of Hocking Hills? The hiking, right?

To see some of the most stunning sights, you have to put in the work. 

I can’t. 

Not that I don’t want to. I physically cannot make it to the “best,” most rewarding spots because I would embarrass my family by having a heart attack or at least throwing up and/or fainting. 

Wake up calls like these come regularly when you’re overweight. And they’re not fun. 

Let me be clear: I am not feeling sorry for myself, nor am I looking for anyone else to feel sorry for me. I made my big, fat bed and now I have to lie in it. 

What I am saying is that, if you’re also embarrassed by the ways your weight holds you back, you’re not alone. 

To be fair, I have never been athletic, even when I was a “normal” size. (But I could kill it on my roller blades. 🤷‍♀️)

But I want to be able to do things with my family. I don’t love hiking. But I want to be able to go all the places my husband wants to go. 

I want to NOT get passed up by an old lady in a boot on a trail that’s making me wheeze. (Literally happened.)

I did go on the easiest little hike there is while we were away and it was beautiful. And when we got back to the car, I saw my face and it was Bob the Tomato staring back at me. 🍅

So here’s my prayer for myself (and for you, if you find yourself unable to do what you want to do): I pray for the motivation to make the changes I need to make. To show myself grace, but not use that as an excuse. To finally just do it, knowing that the Lord will be with me (and you) every hesitant and halting step of the way. 

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy and Neither Is Parenting

( In case you didn’t gather it from the title, this blog isn’t about food or weight or anything like that!)

Every stage of parenting has those times when you feel helpless, confused, frustrated, sad, etc. All the feels. 

It begins as early as the moment you decide to have kids. With infertility, those sad and helpless feelings come sooner in the parenting journey rather than later. 

Then the anxiety of pregnancy. The “normal” worry of parents who haven’t tasted the bitterness of loss, and a worry that comes from knowing things don’t always turn out the way you plan.  For us, 3 out of 5 pregnancies ended with a healthy baby that came home with us. 

Of course, those toddler, kid, tween, teen years have their own helpless, confusing, frustrating times galore, too. 

And then you arrive at the stage we are in. We have a 21 year old, a 19 year old, and a 16 year old. I can honestly say that it is in this space we have inhabited since our oldest became a teenager that has brought me to helpless tears the most.

Watching them wrestle with heavy decisions that you can’t make for them feels excruciating sometimes. But all you can do is pray and help them lay out the options, encourage them to think through the ramifications of each choice, and then let them decide which way they want to go.

But the hard truth that they can only learn for themselves is that sometimes life isn’t fair and neither path seems great. 

When you want to throw some punches for them in the name of justice and fairness, you have to hold back so their decisions aren’t influenced by your anger or hurt at the situation. (And also because you don’t want to go to jail. 😂)

So, that’s where we are tonight. Proud of a kid for making a well-thought-out choice that was really, really difficult for him to make and brought sadness for all of us, as well. 

But here’s to new lessons learned, brighter days ahead, and raising kids who think for themselves. 

Only by the Lord’s Grace.

Making My Way Back to the 4-Colored Pen

 I love words. I have always loved words. 

The power they wield. The way they roll off your tongue or flow from the tip of a really great pen. 

So, it’s not shocking that one of my greatest delights as a child was (and still is, to be honest) getting a new journal. Preferably one with the little lock and key. With Strawberry Shortcake or Holly Hobbie on the front? Even better.

Of course, as I made that super easy (😏) transition to middle school, I needed that place for my thoughts more than ever. 

But I was far too mature to call it a “diary.” My ramblings and preteen angst were now housed in a much more grown up journal. The 4-color pen with pink, purple, green, and teal inks was apparently sufficiently grown up enough to keep using. 🤷‍♀️

So, what I’m pondering today is that, if I had kept up with journaling so frequently, maybe I wouldn’t run to sugar as much. Maybe that outlet was what kept me at a “socially acceptable” weight through high school and college.

I had a healthy coping mechanism and the busyness of life - a job, marriage, children - left less free time to sit down with my journal the way I had for so many years.

(Disclaimer: I am NOT blaming my current situation on anything or anyone other than me!)

Maybe it’s time to get back into the habit of regular journaling again. Does anyone know where I can find a four-colored pen?? 😉

Sugar Is a Jerk

 Sugar kind of reminds me of those friends who seem so great at first. They’re fun to hang out with and you seem to enjoy the time you spend together. 

Then, later, you start thinking about it and you realize that every time you hang out you end up feeling really bad about yourself. 

I’ve had those kinds of “friends” who seem sweet on the outside but then you end up with a stomachache. 

The biggest thing sugar and bad friends have in common is that I should know enough to stay away from them both for my own mental and/or physical health. 

I have made progress. At least in the friend department. 

With sugar? Not so much. It still draws me in with promises of good times and I fall for it every time. 

And here’s the thing: I don’t want to be someone who blames where they are in life on an addiction they have no control over. (And I am not putting addicts down!)

What I AM saying is that I get the feeling that your world just can’t be right unless you have that thing. Ice cream, cookies, pie…whatever it is that I am craving at the time seems essential in the moment. And later? I'm mad at myself. Disappointed with my lack of self-control, and telling myself that I will never be able to overcome this. 

Am I alone in this? It feels that way much of the time. 

I did a 40 day sugar fast a while back. I made it through the 40 days without any of my usual sweet crutches. I slept better. I felt better. I started to like ME more. 

Then the 40 days ended and I was determined that I was going to stick with it and just indulge “here and there” or for “special occasions.” 

You can probably see where this is going. Here and there turned into all the places, all the time. And I just happened to be able to deem something a special occasion every day! (Yay me for being so positive, right?? 😏)

I did attempt the 40 day sugar fast a couple more times. Suffice it to say they were spectacular failures that were maybe more likely to be classified as 40 minute sugar fasts. 

So here I am. Tired of myself. Tired of failing. Tired of being tired. 

The only thing I can cling to is that I have a God who never feels this way about me. His mercies are new every morning and that’s the hope I have. 

Housekeeping (Not the Un-Fun Kind)

 I logged into Blogspot and remembered that I started a blog back in 2014. Since I only made exactly ONE post, I'm going to keep it. And the name.

So, first a few "housekeeping" things. (This is likely the only housekeeping I'll be doing today.)

The Name

Ramblings of the Rescued. Cringe-y? Maybe. Yet, it's true. I'm gonna ramble, that's for sure. And the reminder that I have already been rescued is one I need every day.

Rescued from sin, rescued from Hell, rescued...from ME.

I like it. It's staying.

What I'll Cover

First and foremost, this is for me to get my thoughts out. And my struggles. And, yes, as you've been previously warned, my ramblings.

The main thing that I plan to share is my weight issues. In the words of Tommy Callahan, "I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem."

(Now's a good time to interject that there will be a lot of movie and television quotes.) 

I'm not trying to be anyone's before and after. This has been an issue for most of my life, with a brief respite in high school and college. I just want a place to process. And if me baring my soul is an encouragement to someone or lets them know they're not alone, that's a pretty sweet bonus.

As anyone who knows me (or is friends with me on Facebook or follows me on IG knows), I talk a lot about our son, Haven, and the grief journey that goes along with giving your child back to the Lord long before you're ready. And, that goes for losing my dad, as well. So, those topics may come up, too. Being an emotional eater, it just makes sense.

Who knows. I may throw a book recommendation or review in here, too. Yeah, buckle up, it might get wild.

See Ya Soon

I thought it would be a good idea to give anyone who reads this a head's up on what to expect. (So, I guess this is for you, Mom and Mark. 😂)

I'll be back soon.